Our Post-deliberation Charge

Today I completed my 1st experience serving as a juror. It was a criminal case. 1 defendant, 6 victims, 35 charges. It's been 8 gut-wrenching days and 7 restless nights. After we delivered the verdict, we were shaken and silent. Even though we were resolute in our decisions, there was no decision we could make that didn’t bring more pain to so many lives already affected by the chain of events that led us all to the courtroom.

On my way home I was wallowing in the aftermath, letting my mind wander through the entire process...it was then I remembered the number 12. And how 12 of us did something amazing and these days is pretty rare.

This is what we did.

As soon as deliberations began, we decided to take an anonymous straw poll on the main charges: before we even talk about it, do we think the defendant was guilty or not guilty?

The vote was split 6/6 on almost every charge and my chest fell. I was thinking things like "hung jury" and "I'll never see the sun again."

But then the amazingness happened.

12 strangers talked and listened. Points were argued passionately, received openly, and responded to honestly and respectfully. No one raised their voice. Everyone was heard. When someone was struggling to address the really difficult and sensitive parts of the case it was met with with empathy. No one's words were considered less important or less meaningful than anyone else's in the room.

We considered all the evidence (facts) and shared them through the lens of our beliefs (opinions) with the belief that everyone else's are valid. (Speaking of evidence, there wasn't a lot to go on for most of the charges.) Back and forth, up and down, inside and out we kept working together towards our goal of unanimity.

It took us more than 16 hours to get there. Those 16 hours contained some of my proudest moments of being a US Citizen and a resident of Philadelphia, the birthplace of the country that gave us this incredibly powerful way to engage with and support your fellow community members.

I wish more conversations in our country were conducted the same way the 12 of us did these past few days. It was tough but it was rewarding. It took a long time but it was worth it. 12 open minds gave freely and received fully.

That is all.


Phil Collins made television awesome for 60 minutes......well, kinda....

Question: What do John Candy, Ice-T, Dr. Dre, Henry Mancini, Barbara Mandrell, Paul Shaffer, John Travolta, The Ultimate Warrior, Vanessa Williams, Gilbert Gottfried, Don Johnson, Bruce Willis, “Weird Al” Yankovic, and Jefferey Tambor, have in common?

Answer: They all agreed to be a part of this circus cheese called “Seriously...Phil Collins” that aired in 1989 to promote his…But Seriously album tour because they love and adore Phil Collins so much and didn’t want him to look like the only ass clown in the program. 


(Please note Part 4 is currently trapped inside Adele's butthole. Apologies for the inconvenience.)

Do you know any one that would do this for you? 

I didn't think so. 

Like I said, this is total butt cheese television; however, what makes it totally awesome is that there is not a trace of egotism to be found. Collins just bumbles along through this much in the same way I imagine my dad or my 5th grade teacher would do. In all my years of being a fan, I have never seen him give off an air of self-centeredness or entitlement, and this cornballsack TV show shines an even brighter light on his unconditional humility.   

However, let me be clear in saying that Phil Collins should never do a TV special ever again, although if he did it would be a bazillion times more awesome than anything on right now.

Phil Collins: a humble soul who doesn't take himself seriously and is a better actor than John Travolta. 


Fact: Adopting a Greyhound Is Probably the Best Damn Idea You'll Ever Have

Do you know what month it is? Of course you don't because you've been overdosing on Netflix or waiting for that click-bait on your Facebook newsfeed to load. So I’ll tell you right now because you can’t seem to stop reading this sentence that it is greyhound adoption month! It is time to ADOPT ALL THE GREYHOUNDS! 

I have adopted 3 so far in my life and that has definitely made said life so much better than if I adopted a ham or a bag of shoes. 

Greyhounds are a type of dog that come from a planet where it is tradition to sleep 45 hours a day, eat expensive grain-free brown pebbles, and make hair that permanently attaches to your clothes. Sometimes they run really fast for 4 to 8 seconds and always believe that it is best to lie on everything that is not the floor.

Now before you go out and adopt a few of these magnificent creatures, you may be inclined to put “greyhound” in the Googles to see if the World Wide Web has a pamphlet available to tell you more about them. I can tell you right now there are a lot of fascinating and fun facts* like “greyhounds are the world’s fastest couch potato” and “greyhounds are not all grey, ya dingus” and “never leave a greyhound off leash, especially if there is rabbit playing in traffic nearby” and “adopting an adult, retired racing greyhound means you don’t have to deal with all that fucking puppy bullshit."

So in addition to all the great brochures you can browse on your computer machine, I thought I’d share some little known facts about these dog wonders based on my own experience.

1. Greyhounds have rubber bones.

2. Greyhounds are creative sleepers.

3. Greyhounds put up with all kinds of stupid shit. 

4. Greyhounds are good at hiding.

5. Greyhounds are giant cats.

5. Greyhounds have human-like tongues.

*If you have the time and space to open your home to a retired racing greyhound or just want to learn more, please check out these links or ask me any questions by tapping your computer machine buttons inside the comment boxes provided below.

There are hundreds, maybe thousands of greyhound adoption agencies around the world that take in greys after retirement and these are the 2 organizations I have personally used for adoptions and their websites also offer a lot of great info about what to expect when bringing a greyhound home (besides shit-tons of laughter and happiness):


Awesome fact about Phil Collins #2: Musicians need him to make them sound good

Before you read this, did you read Awesome fact about Phil Collins #1? No?! Go read it now! I'll wait.

From left to right: Dude in Black Shirt, Dude in Black Shirt’s Boyfriend, Dude Trying To Hold In A Second Fart, A Photobomber, Some Chins, Dude Smelling That Other Dude’s First Fart, and PHIL COLLINS
Phil Collins has been sent to this good Earth for many things, I’m sure, but the one I care about the most is his mission to be the best musician in the entire galaxy.

He has proven this time and time again by making recorded sounds of joy on many albums and live sounds of ecstasy in concert halls around the world with his long-time band Genesis and his own band. All of these endeavors have produced platinum albums, #1 singles, and hundreds of sold out arenas---so it comes as no surprise that a few other musicians hanging around would beg for a just a few drops of his pure awesomeness.

It all began in 1970 when Collins was only 19 and asked to play percussion on George Harrison’s “The Art of Dying” from his album, All Things Must Pass. Not only was this the best song on the album, it was also the best song to be released in 1970.

In 1974 Genesis decided to pay their producer Brian Eno for his services on their album The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway in Phil Collins drum sessions for Eno’s album, Taking Tiger Mountain (by Strategy). Later Eno may or may not have said, “Genesis gave me the choice between a Lamborghini stuffed with £100,000,000 and Phil Collins drumming. I didn’t even have to think ONCE about that!”

He impressed Eno so much, he was asked to drum again on his albums Another Green World and Before and After Science. Listen to this to know why (and try not to soil yourself in the process):

Collins went on to collaborate---I’m sorry, I mean help out----other musicians with his drums, sprinkling the pure awesomeness wherever it was needed. A few notable saves include: David Crosby’s Thousand Roads, Paul McCartney’s Press to Play and Mike Oldfield’s QE2. 

And because he’s such a dude, he helped out his ex-Genesis bandmate Peter Gabriel on his album Peter Gabriel (3) and would play live with him from time to time, because let’s face it – it’s the right thing to do and the Universe needs it.

When Collins wasn’t drumming for himself or Genesis or other musicians in crisis, he also somehow found time to produce a few albums. He’s produced Frida Lyngstad’s (ABBA singer) first album, Something’s Going On and Eric Clapton’s albums Behind the Sun and August. And of course on all of these albums he produced he also drummed and/or sang because as the saying goes, “garbage in, garbage out.” Collins also toured with Clapton in ’86 for some shits and giggles after the release and tour of his multi-platinum, multi-eargasm album Invisible Touch with Genesis.

I am sure there are other examples out there of his grace and goodwill towards musical humanity, but I need to go to bed now so I can thank God I got to live another day to hear Phil Collins music. If I missed any other notable collaborations, please share via a comment below. But for now I leave you with a brief video clip of him blessing all ears that can hear with Brand X---which his career with is an Awesome Fact About Phil Collins unto itself.

Phil Collins: YOU’RE WELCOME, musicians.


Break Like the Wind!

As part of my never-ending quest to save myself from getting sucked into the United States “Healthcare System” and breaking yet another chair in public with my fat ass (up to 3 so far) I am on a new mission to get in a better shape.

"Party Platter" is a shape, right?
Last year I went vegetarian and that alone has helped tremendously. Thanks to a diet centered around fruits and vegetables, I now have the happiest colon in the world. And according to my husband, the most productive one.

But even though I feel good, not all vegetarian food is healthy, and that + my life-long sugar addiction still turns my “skinny jeans” into “sausage casings.” So I somehow gotta burn off the booze and chocolate-covered cheesy burrito pizzas I regularly throw down my neck so I don’t make my Spanx and my heart cry so much.

I have attempted “exercise" before, and even though John Oates was an amazing workout partner, it didn’t last and I think that is because 1) the 2012 Hall and Oates tour and 2) I didn’t have a tangible goal in place. It’s so easy to slide into the deep ranch dressing-filled valley of bad habits when you aren’t made accountable for your insatiable desire for naps over laps.

So this, the Year of Our Lord 2016, I am going to do the Bike MS: City to Shore (150 miles on my bicycle) September 24 and 25, and the Philly Half Marathon (13.1 miles on my feet) on November 20. That’s GOALS people! Stupid, crazy fucking GOALS!

I have proudly worn the diaper shorts soaked in Vaseline for the City to Shore ride 6 times now, so I know what to expect and what I need to do to train (tip: asking all your friends if they have any leftover Vicodin from a tooth extraction is KEY.) But this half marathon is all new to me. As is the concept of “running."

I’ve been using this app that claims to get you running a 5k (3.1 miles) in as little as 9 weeks. So far it’s great — I’ve been on week 2 for the past 10 weeks now.

The difference between cycling and running is that when I cycle I go fast and far and I don’t trip. And when I run I wish I was on a bicycle. I’ve got Double D-Bags* up top and a Wide Load on the bottom (aka, The Lady Stabson Barren Cavern) which makes me better suited for sports like hula-hooping and being a floatation device than running. This in itself makes me move slow but what is really frustrating is that I can’t get above a 4 mph pace because anything faster causes highly volatile thigh friction.

Lady Stabson clocks in at 6 mph and provides heat
for the entire neighborhood
But despite the fact I look like a giant cave troll chasing a balloon just out of reach when I’m running, I am committed to staying on track with my training and eventually completing this half marathon. Hopefully between now and November I will slim down to a svelte Uruk Hai and my heart will stay intact just long enough for me to fling myself over the half marathon finish line.

I will share my progress (read: whine about side stitches and my low lung capacity) here throughout the months leading up the events so stay tuned for more. The next phase in my training is totally reworking my running playlist. Needs more Devin Townsend as I can still hear myself wheezing over the usual David Coverdale.

In the meantime, I am raising money for the Philadelphia/New Jersey chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society (I’m not riding that ridiculous distance for nothing!) so please visit my fundraising page and do something good today to balance out the bad from reading this.

Forever Your Eye of the Tiger,

Lady Stabson

*Not to be confused with these Double D-Bags:


Awesome fact about Phil Collins #1: He cared more about Ethiopian famine than all the other performers at Live Aid combined

In July 1985, some dudes I have never heard of before (because I’m an American under 40) called Bob Geldolf and Midge Ure hosted a music festival called Live Aid to benefit Ethiopian famine relief. This festival took place in London AND Philadelphia at the same time, and according to Wikipedia, “it was one of the largest-scale satellite link-ups and television broadcasts of all time: an estimated global audience of 1.9 billion, across 150 nations, watched the live broadcast.”

Across the 2 concerts, there were over 60 performers/bands. But only 1 performed at BOTH concerts. This is of course Phil Collins, as he was the only performer who possessed not only the talent to deliver an entertaining performance in both the UK and USA but also the stamina of a bull elk in heat.

Here’s how it went down:

Not only did Phil Collins perform in the UK and the US, he also performed in more than 1 set in the US of A. He did a set of his own awesome stuff "Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)" and "In the Air Tonight" on the piano to give his drums a well-deserved rest….

and THEN played drums for Eric Clapton…

and THEN played drums again for a Led Zepplin reunion set….

And it is with this Led Zepplin performance in mind, I will bring this awesome fact to conclusion.

If you watched the video above, you can form your own opinions about the performance but according to many critics and fans who witnessed it as it was happening the entire Led Zepplin set at Live Aid was a hot mess (like most band reunion shows, I’m afraid). Jimmy Page blames Phil Collins for the weak performance and claims he ruined the show. Regardless of the fact this claim is coming from a grown man named “Jimmy,” he and Robert Plant were unrehearsed and clearly should have never gotten on the stage together again. Also, SEE ABOVE. 

Collins said in an interview in Spin Magazine: "They weren't very good and I was made to feel a little uncomfortable by the dribbling Jimmy Page. If I could have walked off, I would have - but then we'd be talking about why Phil Collins walked off from Led Zeppelin. So I just stayed there and bit my tongue."

Phil Collins: a classy and modest humanitarian who humors awkwardly fading rock bands. 


Happy Ferris Wheel Day!

Hello Sweetums! I hope you are all having a wonderful day, the most magically saccharine of all the days, Ferris Wheel Day. A holiday that truly warrants no celebration or acknowledgement beyond the 90 seconds of your life it suspends you above a rolling fairground of carnies, clowns, and children vomiting into cotton candy.

Another holiday very similar to this is Valentine’s Day, a time designated to force you to formally engage in or recognize THE IMPORTANCE OF ROMANCE. Whether you have a terrifically boring time on a Ferris Wheel or a terrifically boring time at Bed, Bath, and Beyond picking out a new bed in a bag with your fiancĂ©, there really isn’t a point in assigning a specific day to celebrate either. The point is to commemorate life’s terrifically boring, scary, sweet, vertigo-induced, and yes, even romantically-induced moments, every day.

So, you have probably figured out by now I forgot to buy my husband a Ferris Wheel Day AND Valentine’s Day cards. 

But in my defense, I really do believe that setting aside a special day for giant, round death traps and giant, heart-shaped crap is not necessary because I inject sweet, sweet romance into my poor, poor partner all the time. He is regularly regaled with smooth seductions such as, 

"No, my love, that wasn't Dora.”* 

“Darling, can you massage some triamcinolone cream into the excemza patch on my back?"

"Hey baby, how about we head upstairs
and binge watch Michael Palin's Around
the World in 80 Days?"
“Baby, we gotta go to Walgreens, Dora* ate my mouthguard."

"I am weak in the knees, it feels like I've got butterflies in my stomach and my heart aches. I think it might be cancer."

“Honeybuns, what is a 4 letter word for "upholstered item?”**

“Sweetie, can you help me get out of this dress? The zipper is caught on my Spanx."

“Sorry dear, I’ll go brush my teeth." 

“Let’s never get matching tattoos."

See, I am a natural romantic! Every day is like opening a box of chocolates. Too bad my husband prefers cake. 

Thanks for putting up with me, lovey. Too many wrongs do make a right! XOXO



Lady Stabson's Bloggity Blog Blog

It's all a little bit mostly true sometimes but not really.