10.25.2009

I Heart Philly Always and Forever

Do you know what it feels like to have Philadelphia throw itself on you and squeeze your heart into a million pieces so it shoots out of every orifice as a rainbow surrounded by butterfly puppies and fragrant flower petals? I certainly do.

Philadelphia came on strong Wednesday night when the Phillies beat the LA Dodgers 10-4 to become the National League Champions, and we have been in a silly tickle-fight ever since. We really can't keep our hands off each other. And in only a few more days we'll be walking hand-in-hand into the World Series...swoooooooon!

But just when I thought Philly couldn't sweep me off my feet any higher, Friday night the beautiful city embraced me like an old lover, whispering "you're still the one" with an evening of music straight from her heart at the place where we had our first date many years ago.

The place was the Spectrum, the stadium where I saw my first ever concert back in '94--The Phil Collins JC Penney's Homeless Tour---and where I've seen many other concerts, hockey, and basketball games before they moved on to the bigger (read: vacuous) Wachovia Center. The line-up was a trifecta of hometown heroes: The Hooters, Todd Rundgren, and Hall & Oates. Featuring an appearance by the Bacon Brothers who introduced said Hall & Oates. And Philadelphia was not holding back tonight: this was the 2nd to last act that will ever grace the Spectrum stage before it gets demolished and turned into an Applebees parking lot at the end of the year.

The concert was great fun except for the part where we thought that Todd Rundgren was the first act and not the second so I missed seeing The Hooters, only one of my favorite bands from childhood. No biggie. Well, maybe I took out my frustration on him a little bit



















But Philly and I quickly kissed and made up when Hall & Oates took the stage and made sweet love to our nostalgic ears. It was a delicious homecoming, especially since I was able to share it with Nicole who was listening to Hall and Oates with me back in our Zane-North days. To see and hear for yourself, here is a clip I am dedicating to the 500 people who said, "I can go for that!" when I told them I was going to a Hall & Oates concert.



Although this chick climaxed pretty much during the 2nd song of the set,

for me the night exploded with an extended set featuring all 3 acts declaring their Philly love with some of the greatest songs by some of the greatest artists this city ever busted out: "Expressway to Your Heart" by the Soul Survivors, "Backstabbers" by the O'Jays, and "Disco Inferno" by the Trammps to name a few that I remember. I needed a fucking cigarette after that.

Sigh. This was a night that Philly and I will tell our grandkids about because it was a snapshot of all the things she brings to the relationship; she's like the Spectrum: perfect-sized and a little rough around its honest edges, and like the music that still endures and endears people who still truly love solid, honest rock music (the best people of all). But above all else, she gives me the comfort of knowing this is exactly where I belong and I could never be in love like this anywhere else in the world. Especially when you're singing your heart out to "Rich Girl" in a Phillies tee.

XOPHI

10.13.2009

Face me. Embrace me.

OK, I'm curious to see who's with me on this. Because if you aren't with me, you're probably with someone else. And that's OK, I just don't want to know about it.

So here it goes. Usually when I meet-up with or say bye to people I call "friends" or "loved ones" or "anyone who looks like Zach Galifianakis" we hug. Well sort of. Lately these people are giving me some weird half-ass or rather half-body hug I'm calling the "sideways hug." This is how it works: I face the person, straight-on, and outstretch both arms towards the person to signify "hey, I really like you and you smell nice. Please hold me." While at the same time my friend turns his/her body slightly to the side and outstretches one arm towards me and the other off to their side like some cheerleader, to signify "hey, I like you more than a handshake but not really much more than a hug." And when we come together it's this uncomfortable, awkward, perpendicular embrace that leaves me feeling depressed, even if the people I'm getting them from are not cheerleaders. I should have seen this coming when we went from the double-hand slap



to the fist bump.



At first I tried to train myself to go from my two-armed + one-chest hug to work with these one-armed + one-hip hugs but I couldn't do it! I am so uncoordinated. So for awhile I stopped making the effort to hug people as much as possible to avoid being sidewayed...but then I became paranoid that people would think I had syphilis or swamp pits. And that's worse than having them think I'm some slippery creep who wants to fully embrace them....right? I can't win. This sucks. I need a hug.

So is the sideways hug the way to go? The old-school squeeze is no more? Do you offer a reserved sideways hug or do you like to sweep your peeps up into your arms? Is there anything wrong with either hug-method? Do you think that I think you give a shit about this? I am curious to know.

Next blog: The "backwards kick in the nuts."

10.07.2009

Come play with me...if you dare!

OK, here's the deal. I am ridiculously busy this time of year: job + school + post-season baseball + working on a nice layer of pre-hibernation fat = not a lot of time to vomit up a toasty blog. But I still like to waste some of your time. So not to cheat you and so I can get back to watching baseball until 2am when I'm supposed to be writing a paper, here I hastily give you part 1 of a 25 part series called "Pictures of Creepy Children's Toys" for your amusement. Or nightmares.

Please send me the pictures you have in your computer of Creepy Children's Toys for Part 2. Thank you.


This toy has the ability to bad-touch you in your bathing suit area.



OK, maybe not so creepy but if you got this for Christmas, you would call Santa a creep


Hi, kids I'm COKEY the Horse! Just say yes!


Baby peanut turd with stubby arms


She haunts Chucky's nightmares


How fucked up are you as an adult if you played with this as a kid?


Oh FUCK it's coming AFTER ME!!!





It's all a little bit mostly true sometimes but not really.