Awesome fact about Phil Collins #2: Musicians need him to make them sound good

Before you read this, did you read Awesome fact about Phil Collins #1? No?! Go read it now! I'll wait.

From left to right: Dude in Black Shirt, Dude in Black Shirt’s Boyfriend, Dude Trying To Hold In A Second Fart, A Photobomber, Some Chins, Dude Smelling That Other Dude’s First Fart, and PHIL COLLINS

Phil Collins has been sent to this good Earth for many things, I’m sure, but the one I care about the most is his mission to be the best musician in the entire galaxy.

He has proven this time and time again by making recorded sounds of joy on many albums and live sounds of ecstasy in concert halls around the world with his long-time band Genesis and his own band. All of these endeavors have produced platinum albums, #1 singles, and hundreds of sold out arenas---so it comes as no surprise that a few other musicians hanging around would beg for a just a few drops of his pure awesomeness.

It all began in 1970 when Collins was only 19 and asked to play percussion on George Harrison’s “The Art of Dying” from his album, All Things Must Pass. Not only was this the best song on the album, it was also the best song to be released in 1970.

In 1974 Genesis decided to pay their producer Brian Eno for his services on their album The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway in Phil Collins drum sessions for Eno’s album, Taking Tiger Mountain (by Strategy). Later Eno may or may not have said, “Genesis gave me the choice between a Lamborghini stuffed with £100,000,000 and Phil Collins drumming. I didn’t even have to think ONCE about that!”

He impressed Eno so much, he was asked to drum again on his albums Another Green World and Before and After Science. Listen to this to know why (and try not to soil yourself in the process):

Collins went on to collaborate---I’m sorry, I mean help out----other musicians with his drums, sprinkling the pure awesomeness wherever it was needed. A few notable saves include: David Crosby’s Thousand Roads, Paul McCartney’s Press to Play and Mike Oldfield’s QE2. 

And because he’s such a dude, he helped out his ex-Genesis bandmate Peter Gabriel on his album Peter Gabriel (3) and would play live with him from time to time, because let’s face it – it’s the right thing to do and the Universe needs it.

When Collins wasn’t drumming for himself or Genesis or other musicians in crisis, he also somehow found time to produce a few albums. He’s produced Frida Lyngstad’s (ABBA singer) first album, Something’s Going On and Eric Clapton’s albums Behind the Sun and August. And of course on all of these albums he produced he also drummed and/or sang because as the saying goes, “garbage in, garbage out.” Collins also toured with Clapton in ’86 for some shits and giggles after the release and tour of his multi-platinum, multi-eargasm album Invisible Touch with Genesis.

I am sure there are other examples out there of his grace and goodwill towards musical humanity, but I need to go to bed now so I can thank God I got to live another day to hear Phil Collins music. If I missed any other notable collaborations, please share via a comment below. But for now I leave you with a brief video clip of him blessing all ears that can hear with Brand X---which his career with is an Awesome Fact About Phil Collins unto itself.

Phil Collins: YOU’RE WELCOME, musicians.

Break Like the Wind!

As part of my never-ending quest to save myself from getting sucked into the United States “Healthcare System” and breaking yet another chair in public with my fat ass (up to 3 so far) I am on a new mission to get in a better shape.

"Party Platter" is a shape, right?

Last year I went vegetarian and that alone has helped tremendously. Thanks to a diet centered around fruits and vegetables, I now have the happiest colon in the world. And according to my husband, the most productive one.

But even though I feel good, not all vegetarian food is healthy, and that + my life-long sugar addiction still turns my “skinny jeans” into “sausage casings.” So I somehow gotta burn off the booze and chocolate-covered cheesy burrito pizzas I regularly throw down my neck so I don’t make my Spanx and my heart cry so much.

I have attempted “exercise" before, and even though John Oates was an amazing workout partner, it didn’t last and I think that is because 1) the 2012 Hall and Oates tour and 2) I didn’t have a tangible goal in place. It’s so easy to slide into the deep ranch dressing-filled valley of bad habits when you aren’t made accountable for your insatiable desire for naps over laps.

So this, the Year of Our Lord 2016, I am going to do the Bike MS: City to Shore (150 miles on my bicycle) September 24 and 25, and the Philly Half Marathon (13.1 miles on my feet) on November 20. That’s GOALS people! Stupid, crazy fucking GOALS!

I have proudly worn the diaper shorts soaked in Vaseline for the City to Shore ride 6 times now, so I know what to expect and what I need to do to train (tip: asking all your friends if they have any leftover Vicodin from a tooth extraction is KEY.) But this half marathon is all new to me. As is the concept of “running."

I’ve been using this app that claims to get you running a 5k (3.1 miles) in as little as 9 weeks. So far it’s great — I’ve been on week 2 for the past 10 weeks now.

The difference between cycling and running is that when I cycle I go fast and far and I don’t trip. And when I run I wish I was on a bicycle. I’ve got Double D-Bags* up top and a Wide Load on the bottom (aka, The Lady Stabson Barren Cavern) which makes me better suited for sports like hula-hooping and being a floatation device than running. This in itself makes me move slow but what is really frustrating is that I can’t get above a 4 mph pace because anything faster causes highly volatile thigh friction.

Lady Stabson clocks in at 6 mph and provides heat
for the entire neighborhood

But despite the fact I look like a giant cave troll chasing a balloon just out of reach when I’m running, I am committed to staying on track with my training and eventually completing this half marathon. Hopefully between now and November I will slim down to a svelte Uruk Hai and my heart will stay intact just long enough for me to fling myself over the half marathon finish line.

I will share my progress (read: whine about side stitches and my low lung capacity) here throughout the months leading up the events so stay tuned for more. The next phase in my training is totally reworking my running playlist. Needs more Devin Townsend as I can still hear myself wheezing over the usual David Coverdale.

In the meantime, I am raising money for the Philadelphia/New Jersey chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society (I’m not riding that ridiculous distance for nothing!) so please visit my fundraising page and do something good today to balance out the bad from reading this.

Forever Your Eye of the Tiger,

Lady Stabson
xoxo

*Not to be confused with these Double D-Bags: