And now a word from Nicole.....
(PLEASE LISTEN UP OR I WILL PUNCH YOUR ASS. THANK YOU.)
Hello masses!
Nicole here. Long time listener, first time caller. I have had the honor of being Stacy’s heterosexual life-mate for 30 years. We have seen a lot of life together, starting with her Bert and Ernie record-player. It was 1982, but we loved listening to Karen and Chuck’s records of the hits from 1950’s. Hold the phone, Lionel Richie; we’ll get to you after this dramatic dance interpretation of “Chantilly Lace”. We would see each other through our girlhood crushes of Davy Jones and Mickey Dolenz which would grow to an adulthood crush on just Michael Nesmith. In adolescence, we grew enamored with Chad Allen and Neil Patrick Harris. (Epic gaydar fail!) Sleepovers on Stacy’s waterbed of hell and almost dying in my Popples Sweatlodge tent. Skinning our knees on my family’s cement pool and Stacy’s family home in the country, where you would lose 5 pounds from the mosquitos sucking you dry. Our mutual codependency would grow ever stronger through hatred of itchy band uniforms, a love of slapstick and/or irreverent humor, and the delight of knowing each other’s mother thought the other one was a bad influence. (Yes, Karen, I KNOW.) My older siblings to teach and tease us, Stacy’s younger siblings to torture and ignore. Bad skin, bad teeth, nerd glasses. I can’t believe we weren’t more popular. We had our first jobs together, Stacy got me my job at Thrift Drug and together, we’d fight over who could do the least. And who would do the closing announcement on the PA. “Attention Thrift Drug shoppers, the time is now 9:15, the store will be closing…..”
But alas, it is our differences that make our friendship strong. Stacy is taller than me and she is a natural blond. I am petite and there is nothing natural about my hair color. Stacy likes nature and the Phillies. I think camping will give you hepatitis and find hiking the mall excellent cardio. Stacy would rather dive into a vat of razor blades than listen to Radiohead and most things emo, I would eat shards of broken glass before going near anything described as “prog”. But we both love Weird Al, novelty tees and gin*, so it always evens out in the end.
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| Stacy gets control of the juke-box tonight! |
So many memories, delightfully brought up to embarrass one another in public situations. Yes, this is the stuff friendship is made of. There is a secret to keeping us close as we ever have been. We once killed a man. Just kidding, that is no secret. Actually, keeping our friendship strong requires a lot of upkeep. Emails, phone calls, waxing for those special occasions, texting and our favorite: G-Chat.
Is there anything nicer in the middle of a tough workday than a friendly hello, how are your bowels** from a friend? I think not. Although I was waiting for enough material for a coffee table book, here is a sneak peek. We hope you enjoy.
*and Bourbon. And Wine. And Beer. And Vodka. And Moonshine.
** Spoiler Alert-this is a major topic for us.
November 25, 2009
Nicole: I wonder how to write how a turkey dying sounds...
Stacy: sure it's on youtube
Nicole: Gobble gobble goooooodajfhleruifh90q34y9-837hpadfuivnads09y340h (gasp) (wheeze!)
beeppppppppppppppppppppp
now i feel sad about turkey
March 18, 2013
Nicole: i have a cheddar goldfish addiction
Nicole: i have a cheddar goldfish addiction
Stacy: who doesn't?
Nicole: Boner Kings is a good band name
Stacy: Oh definitely
Boner with anything makes a good band name
The Boner Rats
Boner Cookies
Fat Boner featuring Hot Vomit
Nicole: Boner Boombox Bougeouis
August 29, 2012
Stacy: happy to see you are having a happy bowel day
Nicole: that’s to be determined
I heard the Madonna show sucked last night
June 3, 2011
Nicole: I just yelled at my intestines
Stacy: usually my intestines yell at ME!
especially on fruit cart day
Nicole: i love fruit carts
i miss them
Stacy: they are awesome
September 9, 2011
Nicole: let's create something
I'm creating something right now after my salad for lunch
Stacy: I need to eat again to make something :(
Nicole: do you have a safe snack drawer? go to nuts to you or nuts 4 you, the South Philly bastard
store
Stacy: I had some almonds and MAYBE I can get something real nice brewing with this afternoon cup of coffee
Nicole: hahaha
new synonym for pre-poop belly: creating
as in "I am creating something AMAZING from this cup of coffee and almonds"
Stacy: hahaha
like a food baby pregnancy
Nicole: good one
I would also like to make the word creeper associated with pooping
Stacy: easy to do
it's the point of no return
May 23, 2012
Stacy: I've just discovered that my rack makes a nice pen shelf. I've got a Bic pen and a highlighter on each now
Nicole: your boob shelf?
Stacy: yes
Nicole: oh yes, you can also use the undercarriage to hold things
Stacy: oops it just rolled off
Nicole: put it underneath!
Stacy: nooo it's warm, i haz swooob
Nicole: time to archive, my email be busting
Stacy: ugh I hate doing that...i'm sorting through a ginormous excel sheet at the moment and it's making me ill
October 15, 2009
Nicole: i want halloween candy, nom nom
but I drink asshole green tea instead
Stacy: Reeses? you are onto a haiku..
Nicole: i want a hershey milk chocolate bar mmm let me work on it.
Halloween Candy
I crave but instead I
drink green tea shit?
Stacy: haha
Nicole: not perfect but I'll tweak it
In 2010 we spent a solid month creating band names. See below:
January 13, 2010
Nicole: ahh went a little crazy [I added 15 bands to our memoires]
Stacy: yes!!!! i will take a look
Nicole: Great! Some bands are better album names I think
Stacy: we can swap if you think
Jalapeno Firehole!!! HAHAHAHAHA
Seersucking Sweatlips!!! I want that on a t-shirt!
Nicole: real mannequins fake people was inspired by a trip to IKEA last night
Stacy: that was our serious band we played coffeeshops
I think Mayor McCheese is a Liar should be an album
Nicole: yes I agree
January 18, 2010
Nicole: I am afraid to laugh as I am back on Alli and I don’t want to relax my sphincter
So I cough instead
Stacy: Gentle Sphincter?
Or song: Relax My Sphincter?
Nicole: Relax Your Sphincter
Stacy: HAHA
Nicole: also a dance club album
Stacy: added! so now it's a band, a song, and an album!
And when we aren’t pretending we are in bands that are so much better sounding than your band, we sometimes talk about our jobs and even share current projects with each other. Here is just a sample of some of things we’ve been working on:
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| Please note we have major love feelings for those who get the Swill reference without having to look it up. And while we’re at it, if you know Eddie the Flying Gimp we will have your babies. |
So there you go. A friendship in a very nuttyshell. Here’s us 28 years ago. Haven’t aged a bit.
