Boehringer Ingelheim, the pharmaceutical company I am genetically predisposed to mispronounce, recently made the following announcement based on the results of one of their trials in Europe:
"Results from a study published today in the Journal of Sexual Medicine show that a new, easy to use five-question diagnostic tool can significantly reduce the time it takes to diagnose the most common form of female sexual dysfunction (FSD), generalised, acquired Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). Unlike standard diagnostic procedures, which are often time-consuming and require an extensive diagnostic interview by a specially trained clinician, the Decreased Sexual Desire Screener (DSDS) enables clinicians who are not necessarily experts in female sexual dysfunction to diagnose the condition with high accuracy in a few minutes.
Nearly one in 10 women are known to experience low desire marked by distress or interpersonal difficulty - a condition that is medically referred to as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)."
Bowlringer Engelbert said this DSDS screener had an accuracy of 85.5%. Not bad. But I believe I have a screener that is 110% accurate:
1. Does looking at your partner give you the dry heaves rather than butterflies?
2. Has your partner spent the last 14 hours playing Street Fighter IV?
3. Are you sexually attracted to the opposite sex of your current partner?
4. Do you fantasize about what songs you would like played at your funeral while having sex?
5. Is your partner an asshole?
If you answered YES to any or all of these questions you probably have HSDD. If you do have HSDD, do not despair -- dumping your partner, throwing back some whiskey, and downloading a shitload of porn should clear everything up in a day or 2.
