This past weekend I decided to escape the stressful craziness of my dull life by taunting and shaking my fist at the flowering trees and plants in Rittenhouse Square for heaving their asshole gametes all over my lungs. They did not relent, but I think I made a patch of grass near some shoeless hippies sipping $8 lattes weep a little bit.
When I returned from my 3-day excursion of trying to stop nature from all this inappropriate spooging, I realized I may have missed some important world news and current events, so naturally I turned to Twitterbook Facetwit to get caught up.
So here is a quick run-down of what I missed in case you were also busying giving sauce to your backyard. As of Monday morning, this was all I saw posted on Twitterbook Facetwit so I couldn't have missed that much!
A human nutcracker doll asks his new bride pull his giant lever so they can feed their wedding guests freshly cracked walnuts at the reception. The little flower girl does not like the ensuing cracking sounds, but that is understandable as she appears to be too young to handle such intense nut busting.
This poor cat was forced to wear the UGLIEST collar I've ever seen. But I've seen worse-looking scratching posts.
Wait, what?! Our President is allowed to kill people? FUCK, I hope he doesn't find out I switched out his birth certificate with a Kate Middleton Engagement Ring Certificate of Authenticity. =/
It's about time Our sexy Lady Liberty got a makeover! She's never looked better. And the bloody head of bin Laden hides some of the weight she's put on in her hips.
So there you go. Just another average weekend it seems....
In all seriousness folks, some people on this crazy beautiful planet did not have an average weekend...so let's continue working together to get them back there:
xo
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