Well hello there! How are you? What did you have
for dinner? What has your baby or dog or dog baby been up to in the last 3
hours? What is your favorite unfounded religiously or politically bent meme
today? Normally I wouldn't have to ask because I stalk you constantly on
Twitter and Facebook, but for the past 10 days I have moved under a nice rock
where I will live for another 30.
Yes mon frère Jacques, it's that wonderful time of
year that is always a favorite to ignore: Lent.
But I choose not to dis the Season of Lent, the
Season of Shame. I think it is important to celebrate the fact that you will
never be good enough.
For me, Lent is an opportunity to take stock in who
I am (fire-breathing dragon lady with seasonal eczema) what I do, what I believe,
and most importantly, to identify what is keeping me from being the most
fucking awesome person I can be for myself and the ones I love. And anything in
my life that “tempts” me from being anything but the best I can be is a shitty
fuckwagon. Amen.
This year’s temptations have been Internet’s
sexiest sirens, Facebook and Twitter. I live AND work AND plot revenge on Kevin
Costner alone, so it’s not surprising I rely on these sites for contact,
connection, and to give Oscar a break from my ramblings.
 |
| He's been wearing his noise-cancelling headphones a lot these past 10 days.... |
But early this year I realized I was all up in
these Intertubes a lot more than I have in the past, to the point where it was
becoming a more and more integral part of my day/life – I looked at it first
thing in the morning and last thing at night, not to mention I couldn’t take a
proper lady-like dump in the can without scrolling through my newsfeeds. And of
course I couldn’t help myself from assaulting my friends and followers with
whatever hot stink came through my head at any given moment. Here are some
choice bits of bile you have missed in the past week or so:
"I am mad at myself for buying menthol facial
tissues."
"One of the greatest regrets in my life is never
seeing Earth, Wind, and Fire live."
"I am getting dangerously low on toilet
paper."
"At best, Coheed and Cambria is a thinking
girl's boy band."
"Why are onions such prudes?"
"What is the better advice to give someone who
is having a bad day: 'just grab him in the biscuits' or 'never trust a big butt
and smile?"
"I still don't understand why people watch
movies with Kevin Costner being in them and ruining them."
You’re welcome for staying away. Enjoy these last 30 days of peace and
sanity while you can.
Saying good-bye to TwitFace was my way of saying “time to see the world
in reality, not virtually.” Well let me tell you, I’m only about a third of the
way in and what I see isn’t all that bad. However, it has been confirmed that
my real life is just as pathetic as my virtual life.
Exhibit A
I’m also discovering that I have more time to do lame shit like “sleep”
and “read” and “cook” and “graffiti wizard runes under the Ben Franklin
Bridge.”
So do I feel like I am becoming a better person? Definitely not, this
rot runs deep. BUT, letting go of an online life even in this short amount of
time has given me a chance to take breath and find different ways to better
spend my time, however pitiable they may be. There is a difference between running around in just your frilly
pantaloons babbling loudly about how much you love Phil Collins online and in
your living room. (The only similarity is that no one cares but me). All I am
hoping to achieve at the end of this is to emerge as a more balanced Lady
Stabson, one that can, even in a little way, enjoy the Easter promise of a renewed
and better life. Or some crap like
that.
30 more days seems like a long time to wait to hopefully realize that
promise, but I am going to see this through, even though I do miss it. I’ve
always liked a challenge and to shake things up a bit. Just as Jesus said when
he was tempted by the Devil while wandering in the wilderness, “Back the fuck off
yo, I’ve got this. LOL. :-)” (Matthew 4:10)
