Fact: Adopting a Greyhound Is Probably the Best Damn Idea You'll Ever Have

Do you know what month it is? Of course you don't because you've been overdosing on Netflix or waiting for that click-bait on your Facebook newsfeed to load. So I’ll tell you right now because you can’t seem to stop reading this sentence that it is greyhound adoption month! It is time to ADOPT ALL THE GREYHOUNDS! 

I have adopted 3 so far in my life and that has definitely made said life so much better than if I adopted a ham or a bag of shoes. 

Greyhounds are a type of dog that come from a planet where it is tradition to sleep 45 hours a day, eat expensive grain-free brown pebbles, and make hair that permanently attaches to your clothes. Sometimes they run really fast for 4 to 8 seconds and always believe that it is best to lie on everything that is not the floor.

Now before you go out and adopt a few of these magnificent creatures, you may be inclined to put “greyhound” in the Googles to see if the World Wide Web has a pamphlet available to tell you more about them. I can tell you right now there are a lot of fascinating and fun facts* like “greyhounds are the world’s fastest couch potato” and “greyhounds are not all grey, ya dingus” and “never leave a greyhound off leash, especially if there is rabbit playing in traffic nearby” and “adopting an adult, retired racing greyhound means you don’t have to deal with all that fucking puppy bullshit."

So in addition to all the great brochures you can browse on your computer machine, I thought I’d share some little known facts about these dog wonders based on my own experience.

1. Greyhounds have rubber bones.

2. Greyhounds are creative sleepers.

3. Greyhounds put up with all kinds of stupid shit. 

4. Greyhounds are good at hiding.

5. Greyhounds are giant cats.

5. Greyhounds have human-like tongues.

*If you have the time and space to open your home to a retired racing greyhound or just want to learn more, please check out these links or ask me any questions by tapping your computer machine buttons inside the comment boxes provided below.

Greyhound breed information

History of greyhounds 

There are hundreds, maybe thousands of greyhound adoption agencies around the world that take in greys after retirement and these are the 2 organizations I have personally used for adoptions and their websites also offer a lot of great info about what to expect when bringing a greyhound home (besides shit-tons of laughter and happiness):

Greyhound Friends of NJ

National Greyhound Adoption Program (NGAP)

Happy Ferris Wheel Day!

Hello Sweetums! I hope you are all having a wonderful day, the most magically saccharine of all the days, Ferris Wheel Day. A holiday that truly warrants no celebration or acknowledgement beyond the 90 seconds of your life it suspends you above a rolling fairground of carnies, clowns, and children vomiting into cotton candy.

Another holiday very similar to this is Valentine’s Day, a time designated to force you to formally engage in or recognize THE IMPORTANCE OF ROMANCE. Whether you have a terrifically boring time on a Ferris Wheel or a terrifically boring time at Bed, Bath, and Beyond picking out a new bed in a bag with your fiancé, there really isn’t a point in assigning a specific day to celebrate either. The point is to commemorate life’s terrifically boring, scary, sweet, vertigo-induced, and yes, even romantically-induced moments, every day.

So, you have probably figured out by now I forgot to buy my husband a Ferris Wheel Day AND Valentine’s Day cards. 

But in my defense, I really do believe that setting aside a special day for giant, round death traps and giant, heart-shaped crap is not necessary because I inject sweet, sweet romance into my poor, poor partner all the time. He is regularly regaled with smooth seductions such as, 

"No, my love, that wasn't Dora.”* 

“Darling, can you massage some triamcinolone cream into the excemza patch on my back?"

"Hey baby, how about we head upstairs
and binge watch Michael Palin's Around
the World in 80 Days?"

“Baby, we gotta go to Walgreens, Dora* ate my mouthguard."

"I am weak in the knees, it feels like I've got butterflies in my stomach and my heart aches. I think it might be cancer."

“Honeybuns, what is a 4 letter word for "upholstered item?”**

“Sweetie, can you help me get out of this dress? The zipper is caught on my Spanx."

“Sorry dear, I’ll go brush my teeth." 

“Let’s never get matching tattoos."

See, I am a natural romantic! Every day is like opening a box of chocolates. Too bad my husband prefers cake. 

Thanks for putting up with me, lovey. Too many wrongs do make a right! XOXO

*Dora.

**Sofa.