I can't believe it's been over a year since I visited this black hole also known as my blog. I've decided to finally break-up with my on again off again bitch MySpace blog and commit to this Blogger thing since I've finally remembered the password to this Blogger thing.
I just came back from a Christmas party at a bicycle shop in University City. So obviously, I am in no condition to write a new blog that I'm not sure anyone would read but quite certain s/he would puke on. So to tie you over until next time, here's one I wrote at the end of 2007 that outlines 10, yes 10 New Year's Resolutions. Did I make any of them happen? Fuck no, but that's OK since I can just recycle them in a few weeks. Bein' green is bein' lazy!
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Look and you and your 1 little pussy New Year's Resolution! Am I the only one's who's got the balls to declare 10?!
1. I will not feed my anger, sadness, tingly sensations, happiness, and latent suspicions with economy packs of Oreo cookies double-stuffed with shame.
2. I will retire the word "douchebag" and bring back "whorebag"
3. I will not allow my workout clothes to become my fat clothes.
4. I will find the girl who sings that asshole song "Bubbly" and tell her to please drink her weight in gin for a week, have sex with a hobo, and then bludgeon him with the iron teddy bear she keeps in her ass so she can write a real song.*
5. I will not insult pop stars anymore because I am a jealous pop tart.
6. I will not clone myself.
7. I will learn to love my freakishly hideous and horrifyingly busted body.
8. I will not play Soduku.
9. I will pray that all children will grow-up in a world without Prairie Home Companion.
10. I will be here when you get back.
*For 2009, I might replace "the girl who sings that asshole song "Bubbly"" with the "Jonas Brothers" or "Jack Johnson"
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