Are you like me and don't have time to read the news because you are too busy eating corn chips and masturbating all day? Or perhaps you don't like newspapers because they don't taste good or you can't watch the news on TV because your dog uses the remote control to time travel with Dr. Demento. Whatever your lame excuse, I can help bring you up to snuff on all that shit that is clogging every communication channel and being shoved down our throats. (That's me being cynical. Isn't it cute?)
--Dom Imus was fired from CBS Radio for making a racist comment about the women's basketball team at Rutgers University. He also looks like Skeletor.
--Chicago beat Los Angeles in the bid for Olympics hosting rights in 2016. After a collective "fuck yeah!" shout-out, Chicago told LA to kiss it. LA retaliated with the classic, "sit on this and rotate."
--An astronaunt named Suni Williams completed the Boston Marathon on a treadmill in outer space in 4 hours and 24 minutes. And I just ate a cookie on Saturn in about 10 seconds.
--There's this guy...I think...named Sanjaya on this show "American Idol" who apparently can't sing but is very good at overshadowing the announcement of Kurt Vonnegut's death.
--WHAT?! WE'RE STILL IN IRAQ?! WTF?!?!
So there you go. Don't you feel smarter now? Help yourself to another corn chip.
I was suprised to learn Imus was still actually on the radio. I cant use the corn chips and jerking off excuse, because I havent been at work the past few weeks.
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